Healthy Compliments

A few weeks ago, I saw a couple of people who are very dear to me* for the first time in a good while; they exclaimed about how good I looked because I'd lost weight. It's true, I've been working on living a healthier life in recent history, so these were hard earned compliments.

However, the gift of the compliment was muddled by the underlying belief that to be thin is to be beautiful and vice versa. Thin certainly is beautiful, but that doesn't mean other sizes aren't beautiful as well. To imply that I look better because I look thinner and not because I look healthier has the potential to encourage bad habits. One of the simplest ways many people lose weight is simply by eating less** but if someone wishes to be healthier they must develop good habits. It's so very dangerous to praise a young woman*** because people respond to praise by repeating the action. If I'd obtained these compliments through unhealthy means, it would be easy for me to continue in those bad habits.

To the compliment givers of this world: try to use healthy and positive words when encouraging someone. Think about what you're saying. It would have been wonderful if they had said something along the lines of a simple "Wow Lydia you look good" or even "Lydia you look like you've been working out more, work it girl!" it would have been better than the "You've gotten thin! Wow Lydia you look good! How much weight have you lost??" that I'd received from these people.

To the compliment receivers: try to keep a good head on your shoulders when you do get praise. Don't allow the way other people see you affect your self perception in a negative way. Take the positive and useful elements from a compliment and forget the less helpful aspects of what the other person has said. You are your own person, don't let what others say rule your life.

Really, we should all work on giving more compliments that have to do with the whole person, not focusing so much on the outer shell of an individual.****




*And who shall not be named here. They're wonderful people, really.

**Or eating nothing at all.

***Or man. Or an old woman or man. Or anyone, really.

****I'll probably write on that topic soon, stay tuned y'all.

Observations From An Intense Chocolate Bar

My aunt gave me some chocolate as a late birthday present, which is perfect because I love chocolate. She handed me two of the "Intense Dark" Ghirardelli boxes, and I knew things were about to get real. The "Twilight Delight" is 72% cacao, while the Midnight Reverie is 86% cacao. None of this milk chocolate business (which, by the way, I love). So I break off a square and take a small bite of the bitter delicacy and my taste buds are immediately overwhelmed. They can only take so much of this. So I stop after square one, unsure of the love/hate mixture of feelings toward this treat. I'm sitting here, four days later, working on square two: enjoying it at a slow and respectful pace, tasting all the flavors and savoring the bits of sweetness which are embedded in the harsh delicacy. [Yes, I'm aware of the oxymoron's, but there's no other way to describe these feelings inside of me.]

There are other things which must be enjoyed slowly to be fully enjoyed: red wine, a really good book (with sustenance), a letter, a cake, a view.

I'm not saying that you have to plod through life to enjoy all it's flavors. But bask in the moment. Close your eyes, breathe in deep, and take in all of the different colors of the experience before continuing on.

We've been taught to enjoy the watered down editions of many things. Most people prefer milk chocolate over the more authentic dark (I usually do). And many would rather order a 87% sugar/milk frappe over a cup of legitimate coffee (I always do). It's easier to read a feel-good memoir than a book filled with hard truths (but the latter has so much more to it!!).

We have been conditioned to avoid authenticity and as a result don't enjoy the real stuff nearly as much. It's easier to love the fake. Many times we just gobble up the delicious things in life and forget to notice all of the wonderful details that make up the whole. These observations lead me to question: how does all of this translate into our relationships and who we try to be?

Are The Words of a Picture Worth Telling?

They say that "a picture is worth a thousand words", which I believe to be a completely valid perspective. My parents are in Italy right now, and receiving picture texts from them gives us kids a wonderful picture of what they must be experiencing (pun unintended); people always ask for pictures when someone goes on an adventure, and the phrase "pics or it didn't happen!!" reflect a desire to see rather than hear of an occurrence.

I lived for three months in London, which you can read about here, and there are around nine hundred pictures that I've posted on facebook about my adventures. Nine hundred. For around ninety days. Shoot, that seems really excessive.

We were in Paris, viewing the Eiffel Tower the first night of our weekend visit. The four of us girls enjoyed viewing the famous landmark, and right at 8PM the Tower began glowing with lights all over the tower going on and off. It had already been lit like normal, and from afar these strobe-esque lights gave the illusion that the Tower was glittering all over with diamonds. We were so fortunate to watch the lovely light-show as we had just been heading back toward the Metro, and we snapped away with our cameras. After a few pictures, Taylor and I realized that we were essentially taking the same picture over and over again, so we stopped to watch the fantastic spectacle with our own eyes. We discussed the value of photographing things (it's one of Taylor's favorite hobbies!) verses the significance of enjoying the moment.

Of course, we don't want to forget the best times in our lives, and that may be part of the motive for obsessively taking pictures. However, it's okay to just stand and bask in the experiences all around. The last day we spent in Paris, we headed back to say goodbye to the Tower before returning to London. My favorite part of those thirty or so minutes couldn't have possibly been captured by a single or even series of pictures. (A video, possibly, but that's another discussion.) There were the two precious French boys racing each other back and forth across the path, the women accosting us and attempting to get our money, and the large man singing and dancing around as he strolled along, winking at anyone who made eye contact and wearing a huge grin on his face. I breathed in the cool air of winter and smell of grass while basking in the sunlight beaming down on me. It was truly wonderful. I've observed that [in general] people with pictures of their adventures have an enjoyable experience, while those who really have an amazing or unique venture don't have nearly as many.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't take pictures of the gorgeous world we live in or of the voyages we take, but that we may want to take a step back and enjoy life outside the lens. Don't be so caught up in instagramming your dinner to enjoy conversation with the person across the table from you, or snap pictures with your friends without taking the time to really know them. I've been guilty of these things many times myself, and will probably continue to be. However, I aspire to look around me and take in everything via all the senses, not just by way of sight.

Now back to the title: are the words of a picture worth telling? By asking that I mean: is it worth missing out on what's around us in order to take the perfect picture? Is it worth it to take pictures of something and by extension not actually enjoy the image before us while we're there?